oh, america.

Hey yall.
So it's been a little over 3 weeks since I got back to the states, and I'm not gonna lie.. it sucks. I'm trying so hard to love my life again (not that I loved it last semester.. cause it was alright), and I've found myself still craving that spanish, my friends, my host family, my school (ha), and my traveling. I think it's going to be a good while before I get completely acquainted with my new life (cause it will be different and nothing like what I had before Ecuador). The first week I did not hang out with a single person.. only went to the college and 20 somethings ministry that I typically went to on Tuesday nights so that was good cause I got to get a lot of hugs and people telling me they love and missed me. I didn't want to lie to anyone, so I just told them I love them and that it was going to take me a while to be glad to be back. I'm not ready. I knew I wasn't. I've also tried to do some fun things like go out with friends, see my small group girls, go to the movies and beach, etc, and it's been great, but something always reminds me of the wonderful life I was just living. I know that the Lord had a plan for me to be gone for 5 months and then be back, so I know he's got some kind of plan for me here. Maybe if I spend some time with him again, he'll show me. I'm struggling getting into spending time with Him, and I think it's because i really withdrew from him while was in the 'dor. I have a lot of free time since I'm taking 1 class (but pretty much 2 with the lab) and only have something planned every monday and tuesday night. I should be using that accordingly, but all I've done is watch FRIENDS and movies. It's kind of sad really. I don't feel like myself being all bummed and stuff. I have come to accept that I'm not going to be fully happy yet, but I really don't love it. I don't love America yet (besides the luxury of always having toilet paper in the stalls). I'll get there. I need some prayers and I need to do something about my life.

I've continued to talk to my ecuanovio (ecuadorian "boyfriend") Fernando pretty much every day on the phone or skype, with my host mom and host sister a few times a week, and some of my american friends that I met there, so I don't think that helps me to get over my life that I had. I don't think I want to get over it. I don't want to forget it. I want to remember it for the rest of my life. The most amazing 5 months (so far) of my life. I guess I'm just gonna need a little help, a little time, a little Jesus, and some love.